The meeting starts.
The screens load.
The silence stretches.
And then, the prophecy is fulfilled. Your eyes roll into the dark chasm that is the back of your skull as you hear the host say, yet again, “You’re on mute, Janice.”

It happens every time. The three words that haunt every Zoom call that should’ve been an email. The pause that kills you a little inside. The ritual sacrifice of five collective minutes we’ll never get back.

This isn’t just a hoodie. It’s the armor of the modern office. Pull it on when the forecast calls for endless meetings, when the heating’s broken in your home office, or when you need the comfort of knowing everyone else suffers too.

It’s brutal. It’s funny. It’s painfully real.